


Lost and Found

by SecondAidKit



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Journey of Self Discovery, M/M, Remembrance, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9130858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondAidKit/pseuds/SecondAidKit
Summary: When Ray decides to abandon all, he finds himself facing his past and fears.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually created this story by an idea by seiya-starsniper on tumblr, though it will be albeit different. Please enjoy! 
> 
> P.S. Do pardon the horrible english.

Ray always had his life planned out for him – the friends he was supposed to be making, the schools he should be studying in and the life he was expected to be living. Being the sole heir to the head of Palmer Technology, the citizens of Star City had expected Ray to take over the prestigious company, ever since it consumed Queens Consolidated three years ago.

But the greed of humans was endless. There wasn’t any ceiling to power and that was exactly what his father wanted. Yearning to collaborate with Lance Corporation, a rising company that specialised in biotechnology that Palmer Technology could benefit from, Ray’s father believed the only way to commune the relationship between both companies was through marriage.

_An arranged marriage._

The renowned beauty of Sara Lance was not gone unknown. When news spread of the marriage between the two heirs, it became a full scale event. Both heirs were considered role models to the younger generations and having both tie the knot was most certainly ideal. But what the world didn’t know was the secret Sara harboured – one the rebelled against the very laws and wishes of the all.

_She was infatuated with another woman._

Ray knew that. He knew that he would never receive the affection from his wife-to-be but still tried to make their relationship work – putting false pretences and believing it be real, showered affections to Sara. But no matter how much he tried, he can’t help but feel guilty for the lies he had to put up – to both Sara and himself. He was so used in meeting other people’s expectation that he didn’t know what he truly wanted. The walls he built around himself, his heart was so tall and thick that Ray himself felt that no one would ever break it down and Ray wished that it will never be because he wouldn’t want to let people see how broken he was – how nothing about him was true.

“Don’t wait for me. I’ll be out the entire night.” Sara announced, slinging her handbag over her shoulder, walking towards the exit of the apartment the couple shared.

“Nyssa?” Ray quipped, glancing at her from his laptop. The woman in question returned with a wave with her back still facing the male. Ray sighed with desperation as he buries his face in his hands. He knew that he should stop Sara from her midnight meetings with her lover. He couldn’t fathom what would happen if their taboo relationship was caught by the paparazzi, how it would cause both of them to become discredited – the beautiful bride that turns out to be a lesbian and how the handsome groom just played along with the façade. Ray could practically vision the face his father would express if this came to light.

No longer had any motivation to continue working, he closed his laptop, deciding to take a shower before turning in for the night. He stripped of his expensive clothes and stared into the mirror before him and he absolutely loathed the sight of himself – how fake it was. He stepped into the shower and allowed the clear liquid to pour over him. He sighed in content on how perfect the temperature of the water was as it trickled and trail down the contours of his body. Despite being a scientist, Ray was proud of his figure. Muscular but not overly huge though sufficient for women to swoon over him. But that could be because of his lineage and the number of zeroes in his bank account that he was worth.

As he allowed his body to relax with the aid of the soothing temperature, he thought to himself since when had he decide to become the icon of all idolisation, to how becoming someone else other than himself. Ray wondered for how long he had to lie to himself in order to force himself to love Sara like a wife. He yearned to be loved, to find someone worth loving, someone who could actually return his affection. He was strong on the outside.

_But he was weak on the inside._

He stood in the shower, long enough till the water started to turn cold. He turned the faucet off, stepping out of the cubicle to wipe himself dry. Ray was used to not wearing any clothes around the house, not when you had a wife-to-be that had totally no interest in men or the fact that he lived almost alone in their empty apartment. He draped the towel around his waist and shivered as cold wind breathed onto his body when he stepped out from the bathroom.

He sat by the side of the bed he shared with Sara, wanting to bury himself deep in thought when a glimmer caught the side of his eye. It was a ring that had a symbol of a certain house that was long forgotten. Ray would too forget the significant of it for if it didn’t belong to someone he could truly call his best friend. He picked up the ring and felt over the insignia with his thumb, recalling the day he received it.

 _But it was also a day he lost him._ _It wasn’t a very pleasant memory. It was something filled with darkness and sadness._

_When Ray was twelve, he was a very quiet, always reading books and studying. He never had any friends. With all the bodyguards always around him, watching him that it practically scared most kids away and all Ray could find solace at that point was through books. Books couldn’t lie to Ray and whatever he wanted to know, it would be all laid out for him to absorb. But not all kids was afraid. There was one particular kid that found Ray interesting._

_Nathaniel Heywood._

_The green eyed boy is like a bundle of joy, always smiling widely, displaying his perfect set of teeth. He would always want to make new friends, bring joy to everyone around him. That was when he chanced upon Ray the the latter first transferred in. Nate would observe Ray from a distance, from what Ray could gathered. Wherever Ray went for lunchbreak, a certain brunette would trail behind._

_“You do read rather difficult books for your age, you know?” Ray looked up from his book to find his underage stalker sitting beside him, still with a smile plastered on his face._

_“I like reading.”_

_“Why?” Nate quipped. Ray couldn’t answer his question. He can’t admit that he ran from his inability to make friends with reading. What if this Nate guy was just someone who wanted to dig something dirty from Ray, to embarrass him in front of the school – like how he experienced from the multiple schools he was transferred from._

_But Nate seemed to be able to read Ray’s mind – like an open book._

_“I’ll be your friend. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Nate continued, putting out his hand, attempting to seal their friendship together with a handshake. Ray stared at the hand. He didn’t know how to react to the sudden friendly gesture. Before he could react, Nate took Rays hand and joined it with his. Ray blinked multiple times at the movement of events before him. He didn’t expect what transpired next when Nate took the book out of his hand and led him towards a group of teenagers of the same age._

_“Hey, guys! I want you to meet… Uhm” Nate trails off, forgotten to ask the other his name._

_“Ray,” Ray added, completing Nate’s sentence._

_“Yea! His name is Ray!” Nate played along, attempting to cover his mistake, puffing out his chest with pride. Ray looked around him and felt warmth from the gesture the teens around him were giving. At that moment, he didn’t think what his father would say when he befriended them. He was absorbed into the joy that radiated around them._

_He felt happy for the longest while._

_Ray looked at the hand that was still grabbing his. It was comforting and warm, that just the thought made Ray’s heart skipped a beat. He wanted to hold onto Nate’s hand forever, never wanting to let it go. He examined slightly longer before noticing faint bruises on the green eyed male’s arm. Brushing his thumb over the bruise, Nate flinched and retracted his hand. Ray saw a glimmer of pain in his eyes before reverting back into a joyous one._

_That was when Ray realized there was more to Nate than he expected. Ray believed a smile that genuine could only mean two things – one was that the person was truly honest. Or that he was hiding something within._

_Something Ray understood best from his twelve years since his birth._

_Their relationship blossomed further as time passed. Both boys were practically inseparable. Ray found out that Nate was particularly talented in the fields of History and he would it fascinating to hear the stories Nate would say, as if bringing him on a virtual adventure. Although he would return the gesture by lecturing Nate on science, Ray would always find the other dozing off, allowing him to doodle on the sleeping boy’s face._

_They partnered up in most classes and even during school camping trips. It didn’t become long before rumours of them being boyfriends started to spread. The rumours didn’t affect Nate much, still continuing his usual joyous attitude. Ray, on the other hand, was. Despite the fun times around Nate, he couldn’t release himself from the overwhelming burden just by carrying the ‘Palmer’ name. As much as he was willing to admit how he wanted the rumour to become true, he at the same time couldn’t spread dirt on his father’s name._

_Despite multiple attempts to separate himself from Nate, he continued to find himself drawn towards the latter. With almost a year of friendship between them, Ray had yet to find out the secret Nate was harbouring. Even if the kids in the school didn’t realise it, Ray would noticed how the number of bruises on Nate’s arm increases. Nate would always refused to answer Ray when he questioned about it, trying to change topics when it was brought up. Nate’s family was well known around the neighbourhood as possessing one of the longest ancestry, probably dating back since the Second World War._

_Then, when it started to feel good, everything crumbled down._

_Nate stopped coming to school and no one would question or investigate his disappearance. He was suspicious when all he received from the teachers was that his friend had fallen ill but no one ever fall ill for more than half a month. Even when he attempted to visit Nate, his family would always refused his entry. His disappearance continued for two months when Nathaniel finally appeared again._

_But not in the state Ray was expecting._

_It was raining heavily that day, with the suburbs showered heavily with storms. Ray regretted how he should have accepted his bodyguard’s offer to drive him home. But he wanted the longer way home hoping to chance upon a certain green eyed boy on his journey._

_Miraculously enough, he did._

_But Ray couldn’t believe his eyes when he say Nate, sitting with his head buried into his knees, just outside his door. Despite the heavy rain and the dark clouds shadowing the sun, he could see traces of blood on him and the strong stench of death that Nate was emitting. As he halted his footsteps in front of the boy, Nate lifted his gaze and for a moment, Ray felt his heart crushed. There was no joy, no life in Nate’s eyes – only emptiness. Ray simply froze, knowing that his best friend needed him the most and yet he did nothing but stare. Ray wanted to drop to his knees, to give the other a hug and pat his head telling him it was alright but his body refused to move._

_He was afraid. Afraid to get into contact with Nate. The guilt deepens when Nate stood up and took a step forward. Instinctively, the brown eyed boy took one back and he could see the hurt in the blood stained boy. Nate gave Ray a strained smile before placing something to Ray’s palm._

_“It’s not me.”_

_That was the last words that Ray heard from Nate when he disappeared. The news flashed the following day about how the whole Heywood family had been massacred, leaving only the sole son alive. They detailed how Nate had been relocated to their relatives in Scotland and probably best for the boy._

_But reality wasn’t so friendly. Rumours of the family being slaughtered by the only son spread like wildfire. The family was friendly with everyone and had practically no enemies. However, there wasn’t any evidence in the scene that pinpoints Nate as the killer. But Ray trusts Nate. He believed the last words Nate told him._

_But he couldn’t do anything. He was young and powerless, even failed to provide the comfort Nate needed._

Ray opened his eyes, bringing himself back into reality. He wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall. He wondered if things would be different if he had shown compassion to Nate. It was because of that day, he constantly remind himself how he had to be strong.

_Because he was weak._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything was going well. Or was it?

The number of days dwindled as the marriage drew closer. However, their relationship remained unchanged – Ray going with the flow and Sara continuing her secret affairs with Nyssa. Despite what was shown on the surface, the two rarely interacted with each other, mostly with Sara away with her beloved and Ray doing what he do best – meeting expectations.

Sara threw all marriage preparations to Ray. When the marriage first announced, she made it clear not wanting to be part of the something that she wasn’t proud. Ray, on the other hand, placed it as his foremost priority, understanding that one party had to make it work, no matter how much disagreement they had.

Ray was about to turn in for the night when Sara came through the front door, calling out for Ray as she removes her heels.

“You’re back.” Ray quipped in surprised. In the entire duration of their relationship, Sara never stayed overnight at their apartment as she would always spend the night with Nyssa.

“Don’t look so surprised. Last time I checked, this were still supposed to be _our_ house.” Ray shook his head in disagreement as he approached Sara, who had already taken a seat on the couch.

“I want to talk.” Sara began.

“About what?” Ray played along, knowing fully well where the conversation would end up. Every time a woman in his life began a conversation with that, it would lead towards an inevitable ending.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Ray.” Sara scoffed, reading Ray easily. “This relationship has to stop. I… I can’t continue lying to myself, to the people out there and to… Nyssa.” Sara continued, ending with a heavy sigh of desperation.

“We can’t just call it off. We’re putting the reputations of both the companies at risk! I’m sure Nyssa would understand your position. It’s just two more weeks,”

“You think it’s so easy for Nyssa? To see her beloved go merry making with another man while all she could do is stand by in the shadows? Despite what she always say, I can see the hurt in her eyes and the pain she’s going through. I don’t care about the companies’ reputation. Enough is enough, Ray.” Sara pleaded.

“Look, I understand it’s difficult for you, but we have to do this. Just spend a few years together, and we could then separate – with you going your way and I going mine. Maybe you could see Nyssa on a more daily basis, not just the midnight sessions you’ve been having with her.” Ray negotiates only to receive a laughter filled with loathing.

“What do you know, Ray Palmer? You never had an actual relationship before, always going along to what your Daddy has installed for you. And you think you could block off the world with the walls you so desperately build but what happens when they fall?” Sara sneers. “Tell me, Ray. Have you ever done something that wasn’t according to your father’s will?”

Ray couldn’t answer that question. Even if he were to lie, Sara would see right through it. She was the only person that could see through the false mask he wore.

“I thought so.”

The woman took her purse and proceeded to leave the compound, with the conversation turning stale. Before she exits, she took one last look at Ray – one that was filled with pity and apology.

“You can do better than this, Ray. Stop running.”

Ray shuts his eyes as he lets the message sink in. He had heard those words multiple times from different people he came across in his life, but he would always push it away into the darkest part of his mind. It had conflicted against the values he was taught. Ray wasn’t going to let the façade he worked so hard to build crumble overnight, choosing to press on with the wedding regardless how much Sara refused to cooperate. He was confident that despite what Sara had said, he knew she would go through with it eventually. After all, she had a reputation to keep up for her father. Should she had left, the price that had to be paid would be extremely high.

_But he didn’t know her enough._

Ray was devastated. He didn’t know that Sara would go through with it. Just before the fateful day, his bride disappeared, not even leaving a goodbye message. His attempt to look for Sara all turned out fruitless. She kept her trail so clean; it was almost as if she disappeared from existence. There was nothing left for him to do now but to call off the engagement.

After her disappearance, Ray had received multiple calls from both sides of the family – mostly demanding Sara’s location. The burden multiplied when the news bloomed all over social media. It wasn’t surprising how people would turn against their idol almost instantly when they start falling from fame. Having seen his family name on the television screen caused him to fear from the reactions he would receive from his family. He had disgraced his family, knowing fully well the conversations they would be exchanging later that evening when he returns to his family home for dinner. Ray prepares for what was to come.

_But he wasn’t ready enough._

Silence. That was how he would always describe his family dinners. He knew it would always be silent, but tonight, Ray had hope that it wasn’t. He wanted words to be directed at him, to berate him, to tell him he was weak. Only then he could feel better. He could react from the comments but not with silence. He jolted when he heard cutleries being slammed down.

“I thought that by leaving it to your hands, you would succeed and bring glory to the family. You knew how important this marriage was and this is the result you brought.” His father began, looking at Ray with eyes filled with discontent and disappointment. “And now the shame you brought would leave a mark in history. Forever.”

“I-I’m sorry. I should have-“

“Done it better? You should have told yourself that since the beginning.” His father added, pushing himself away from the dining table. “You’re not my son. You don’t deserve to carry the Palmer name. It would have been better with you gone.”

Ray jumped when he heard his father slammed the door as he leaves. He looked at his mother for solace, knowing that after every argument between the men she would always comfort her son – reminding Ray never to take his father's words into mind and what he meant for Ray was for his good. But those comforting words never came. The lady of the house refused to meet her son’s eyes as she excused herself, leaving Ray alone.

What his father said was right. Ray didn’t deserve to carry on the Palmer’s name and he most certainly didn’t deserved to stay around either. He pitied himself how he couldn’t react with emotions – he didn’t cry with sadness nor scream in anger. He just sat there, feeling empty.

He decided that if he couldn’t stay, he should do what he do best – to run.

_Run away from all._

He gathered all he could from the accursed apartment and left for the airport before the first light. Catching the last train, he made himself comfortable at the last cabin with no one else around. He admired the bright lights that lit up the city as the train departs and soon enough, the lights fade away into darkness. Ray had no destination in mind. He rushed his departure, only wanting to escape from the fame that suffocated him for many years. He wasn’t needed anymore – his family despised him, the world looked down on him, and no one needed him. He didn’t have any friends. _True friends._

Ray glanced at the Heywood ring that he took with him when he packed his belongings. He wondered if this was how Nate had felt when the world turn against him. He closed his eyes and he attempts to reminiscence.

_“Hey Nate, where do you think on earth is the most beautiful place on earth?” Ray asked. The two boys laid side by side on the grass field gazing into the clear blue sky._

_“I would say… Scotland!”_

_“Why? What’s there?” Nate rolled over onto his elbows, looking at Ray with disbelief._

_“Are you serious? All those money and you never been to Scotland?” Ray shook his head, ignoring the joking remark the boy gave. “I wasn’t allowed to. My dad says it’s safer here.”_

_“Yea right. Danger is everywhere, my friend.” Nate chirped as he rolled back. “If you must know, in Scotland, there is this highlands where there’s nothing but nature. Minimal technologies, minimal social contact – perfect place to retire.” Nate continues._

_“Or to hide.”_

_“Yup! Scotland is practically an untouched beauty. If I’d to hide, I would definitely choose there. The most beautiful hiding spot in the whole wide world!” Nate exclaims. “We should go there one day. I’ll show you around!”_

_“You’ve been to Scotland?”_

_“Only once. My granny lives there. She got me into liking history.”_

_“Interesting. I’d like to see the woman who tells her grandson history over children stories at bedtime.”_

_Nate rolled on top of the brown-eyed boy, faking a hurt expression. “I’m so hurt, Ray. How could you say that?” Nate adds, clutching his heart in a dramatic motion. Ray snickers at Nate’s horrible acting. It took Ray a moment to notice the position they both are in, causing his face to turn red._

_The blush didn’t go unnoticed as Nate lowers himself to closer examine Ray. Their faces were just inches away from contact when Ray noticed a smirk rising on the other boy’s features. He observed warily Nate’s actions as the green-eyed boy moved closer, lips almost touching. He could feel Nate’s warm minty breath on him. But the kiss, or what Ray had expected, never came as Nate removes a stray grass blade from the boy’s hair followed with a bellow of laughter from his friend._

_Ray blinked with confusion before realising that the other boy was playing him. He pushed Nate off and tackled him back onto the ground, tickling his sides. Nate shook rigorously, trying to get Ray off him as he laughed tortuously._

The announcement from the train’s PA system brought Ray out from his trance. He alighted and allowed a mix of fresh air and reality hit him. This was the first time Ray had gone so far away from home and on his own accords. He picked up his bag and headed towards his destination. For someone who had never travelled before, he wasn’t sure if an empty airport was an ordinary scene, but he was glad he could be still able to purchase a ticket to where ever he could go.

“Tickets to where, sir?” the attendant asked.

“Anywhere. As long as it’s far from here.” Ray replied with a meek smile. The attendant stared at him for a moment before checking the system for availability.

“My apologies, Sir. Most of our flights have been fully booked, except for one.”

“I’ll take it.” Ray intercepted before even knowing the destination. He didn’t care where he would be going. When she slid Ray his boarding tickets, he took a glance at the destiny fate wanted him to take.

_Scotland._

Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ray... It'll get better, I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

Ray was fascinated by the different structure Scotland was – from the people that walked the streets to the design of the houses that lined the streets. People were much friendlier as compared to those back in Starling City. He loved the warmth and friendliness of the citizens here. After walking for ages, Ray realised the lack of skyscrapers. He sees the clarity of the blue sky; something never is seen in the smoke polluted city he was raised in. Scotland was a town filled with an abundance of beauty and history.

As he walked, Ray noticed the latest newspaper that lined the stalls and he was no stranger to the headlines that detailed on the front page. It was all about the misfortune marriage, or so what it was written. He took a copy and quickly glanced through the news, mostly negative about him and more comforting details for the bride. He placed back the paper and was about to move on when he caught the interest of the news that’s currently being broadcasted on the television.

It detailed of what seemingly a blurred image of Sara with a woman that he vaguely makes out to be Nyssa. He shook his head as he continued on his destination-less journey, trying to put that memory into the back of his mind. Ray knew that even if the news broadcasted of Sara’s affairs, it didn’t change the fact that Ray will be written off as negligence of his bride, forcing her to seek other forms of comfort.

He tilted his hat and adjusted his sunglasses, trying to hide his identity as Ray Palmer. It didn’t take him more than ten steps when he noticed a group of men pressurising a woman into an alley. Looking around to see if anyone had caught wind of the act, it soon dawned on him that only he saw the event and hastened his steps towards the alley the woman was brought into. It was then nearly five in the evening, and the light was starting to fade into oblivion, but it didn’t stop Ray from attempting to save the lady.

As he made around the corner, he felt himself being pulled into the darkness. He felt his bags being forcefully yanked from him. He shielded his face with his arms, as he felt punches and kicks being directed at him. He heard a mix of snickers and laughter, both male and female, about how naïve people from the states were. It didn’t take Ray long to realise he had fallen to a mere trap by thieves.

“Oh? What’s this?” One of the males pointed out, bringing out the Heywood ring into the light and it glimmered beautifully under the streetlights that were just switched on. Ray spun his head upwards to take a look at the familiar ring before launching himself towards the man that was holding the ring. Ray snatched the ring from the fingers of the thief and held it tight inside his palm. By doing that, he was confident that he angered the thieves as they tried to yank the ring out of his hand to no avail, followed by more kicks and throws. Ray was willing to give up any of his other possessions but certainly not this ring, and he doesn’t know why. The ring felt important that anything he withheld.

“Hey! Leave that man alone, or I’ll call the police.” A voice rang out. Despite being a surface threat, it was sufficient enough to make the thieves flee. Ray groaned in pain as he got himself into a sitting position, wincing in the process. He opened his palm as let out a sigh of relief seeing the ring, safe and sound in his hand. He clutched back the ring and placed it close to his heart, all trying to catch his breath.

“You’re alright?” Ray nodded towards the stranger. The stranger looked at the mess caused by the thieves, shaking his head in disbelief. “Looks like they took off with whatever valuables you had.” The stranger declared, giving the other an apologetic look. Ray returned with a simple smile before attempting to get up only find himself falling back down, injuries overcoming his essential functions.

“Easy there. I’ll gather your stuff for you. Then, we’ll head to my place to patch you up.” Ray gave the stranger a strange look. Humans were born to doubt and put each other at arm’s length.

“What? Why?” The stranger laughed.

“Seeing how you so quickly fall for the trap, it just confirms you’re not from around here. It’s pretty standard around here, you know? And where else could you go with no money?” Ray’s situation hit him hard when he realised he state he fell into.

“Thanks.” The stranger returned a smile and Ray, for a moment, swore that he saw a reminiscence of Nate. He shook the thought out away before slinging his arm around his saviour, leaning on the other to lead him back to the latter’s apartment.

* * *

 

The stranger’s home was quite a distance away from the city-side, on the highlands. It was doubled-stories and cosy for probably a person or two. He entered and limped towards a dining chair, groaning out with exhaustion having to walk quite a distance while with pain aching all over.

“No, not there. Into the room!” The stranger hushed, leading him into a bedroom. Ray was confused about the motion but soon became evident when he heard slow footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Is that you, Steely?” A weak voice echoed throughout the house. The stranger quickly closes the door, with only his head peeking out. “Yes, granny. It’s me.”

“You brought a friend?”

“Yes, granny. You wouldn’t mind, would you?” Ray could hear the weak laughter that came from the old lady before it turned into multitudes of short coughs. “Of course I won’t. You never bring friends home since you came here. So, where is he? Or was it a she?”

“It’s getting late, granny. Maybe tomorrow? I’m sure you’ll get a chance to then.” Ray heard some soft humming followed by slow footsteps that trailed up into the second floor. The stranger closed back the door and turned towards a cabinet, taking out the first-aid kit. He signalled Ray to remove his shirt as he settles beside him, opening the box to look for some antiseptics and bandages. Ray winced as he removes his shirt, wondered how much damage was done to him with him feeling so much pain with so little movements.

“Ow! Could you be gentler?” Ray cries out as the stranger dabs swabs of alcohol on his wounds, stinging the other.

“Good, at least you’re still kicking.” The stranger said, continuing to disinfect Ray’s wounds, harshly, not taking his previous words into account.

“So, Mr Palmer. What brings you to Scotland?”

“How’d you?” Ray asked, stunned by his saviour’s accurate prediction. The other laughed as he applied some medication on Ray’s wounds.

“You’re a very famous man and not very difficult to identify.” Ray sighed with disbelief how quick his disguise had failed. “Oh, it wasn’t about your disguise, by the way. Your costume was good. I was just more attentive.” The stranger answered as if reading Ray’s mind. The conversation became stale, and the room was filled with winces coming from Ray.

“Sorry for asking,” The stranger started, “I saw you holding on to that ring like your life depends on it. May I know why?” He points towards Ray’s palm. Ray stared at his palm, not realising he was still holding onto it so tightly. He opened his hand to reveal the Heywood ring and brought it to his eye level, carefully brushing the insignia with his thumb, all so affectionately.

“It belonged to someone important to me in the past. He left it to me for safekeeping.”

“A friend?” The stranger asked while unwrapping the roll of bandage.

“If he still considers me as one.”

“ _If_? Did something happen?” Ray gave a remorseful expression as he fiddled with the ring.

“We were friends. But one day, something happened, and the world turned against him. When I found him, I didn’t even give him the comfort that he needed the most. I just stood there and watched him get crushed by the burden that the world placed on his shoulders. I wanted to comfort him so bad, but when he took a step forward, I instantly retreated, as if not wanting to do anything with him.” Ray recounts, with tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “I betrayed him. I gave my only friend up that day. I could only hope that he would forgive me.”

“What was his name?” Ray smiled as he said his name.

“Nathanial Heywood or Nate for short. He always complained that his name was too long.”

“Sounds like an excellent person and we’re done here. Do be careful with those wounds. And rest, you seemed like you needed plenty of it. We’ll carry on in the morning.” The stranger stated, placing back the medical tools and supplies into the box before putting back to where it originally belonged.

“Good night.” The stranger bided before exiting the room.

Ray laid down on the soft bed, and it didn’t take him long before succumbing to exhaustion.

_“Come, Ray; I want you to meet Sara Lance. From next week onwards, she would be staying with you. She’ll also be your future wife.” His father called out for his son, leading a woman with dirty gold locks to the Palmer heir._

_“Nice to meet you. Ray Palmer.” Ray introduced himself, extending his hand out as he approaches the lady. The woman sized him from head to toe before taking his hand, returning the gesture. “It’s a pleasure.”_

_“Now, I’ve got a meeting to attend while you two get to know each other well. It’s been nice seeing you, Miss Lance.” Mr Palmer gestured with a bow and left. Sara spun back towards the male, and her expression changed into a stoic one. Ray was about to speak but was stopped by Sara placing a finger on the other’s lips._

_“No need for the façade with just us, Ray. You know we both don’t fancy each other, so let’s cut to the chase. To them, we’re a couple but other than that, we go separate ways. Just you know, I don’t fancy men like most female does, and I’m sure you can keep a secret, can you? Ray?” She exclaimed, leaving the male stunned on the spot._

_“It was certainly a pleasure.” She called out as she leaves, leaving Ray alone._

A rooster call woke Ray from his dream and was surprised when it was merely five in the morning. He winced slightly as he moved to sit up by the edge of the bed, letting his body adjust. While trying to fix his aching body, he heard a voice calling him from the outside. He trotted his way towards the front door and found the stranger standing there with multiple tools by his side. The light showed a much clearer view of the Stranger, with dark brown hair and bright emerald eyes, almost as if an older Nate. But Ray took it as impossible, not believing in coincidences.

“You looked like you had a good night sleep!” The stranger called out. Ray shook his head as he walked down the porch.

“If you count waking up with aches and pains, then yes I certainly had one,” Ray answered sarcastically.

“Good. Now let’s get to work.”

“Work? I’m an injured man!” Ray questioned. The stranger continued his pace towards the barn; a structure Ray didn’t notice when he returned late yesterday with the other. It could probably the lack of light or the pain that was distracting him from being attentive.

“I’m sure there’re plenty of work for you to do, despite your crippling form.” He replied, smiling at Ray almost sparingly. “We’ll begin with the simplest one – milking the cows.”

“That sounded awfully difficult.” Ray grimaced, not looking forward what’s to come. The dark-haired male gestured Ray to sit on a stool that was already positioned by the said cow. “It’s not difficult if you follow my instructions.” He exclaimed, demonstrating the correct techniques to milking a cow. But difficulty differs from different people and despite how easy the demonstration was to Ray, the latter it was as if learning a new language.

Ray decided to try, after all, seeing how he had a debt to pay to the other for saving his life. He grabbed the cow's udder firmly and gave it a pull, mimicking exactly how he was taught. Like what Ray had expected, nothing will go well on first tries. Instead of the milk going into the bucket, the white liquid sprayed into his face, earning him bellows of laughter from the green-eyed boy. Ray stood up from the stool and glanced at his handiwork. He shifted his gaze slowly towards the farm boy, and it turned into a glare.

“Don’t be so angry. At least you got _some_ into the bucket. If it makes you feel better, I suffered the same first time.” The stranger assured, holding on to his stomach from the uncontrolled laughter. Ray couldn’t keep his glare for long as he watched the boy laugh and soon he joined in, laughing along. When they both calmed down, the stranger gestured Ray to follow him back into the house. He threw some clean clothes at the other and had him change up.

“Where’s your grandmother?” Ray asked as he stripped off his milk-strained clothes.

“She never wakes till afternoon. Old people needs more rest than anyone.” Ray nods in agreement. He was briefly told by his mother that, despite never having to meet them, his grandparents spent most of their remaining days while alive, sleeping. Having changed out into newer ones, Ray was then dragged off to continue the works around the farm, much to his displeasure.

When the sun started to wane regarding its brightness, the stranger decided that Ray should learn about the nightlife around Scotland. They stepped into a quiet bar, in which the other stated that they served the best beer anywhere. Ray looked at the other with suspicion on his recommendation but tried out their brew, and it turns out that it wasn’t as bad as Ray expected.

“It’s awesome isn’t it?” Ray agreed, realising he had already emptied his second pint.

“Whoa, dude. Slow down! We came here to enjoy, not to drown ourselves away.” The other remarked, indicated at the speed Ray was drinking. Ray was practically breathing in pints after pints, and he wasn’t sure why he needed to get drunk.

It became apparent when Ray’s vision begun to spin. He started to make incoherent messages that made his companion laughed at his stupidity. Seeing how waste Ray already is, he paid their bill and dragged the drunk boy out from the bar. It wasn’t easy to pull someone almost weighing the same back home, especially when the distance was a few miles away. Quietly, he moved Ray into his bedroom and felt relieved having finally brought the male back him.

The stranger was about to leave when he felt a hand grasp onto his wrist and pulling him in, causing him to topple on top of the black-haired individual.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me. Stay with me.” Ray slurred, with hints of sadness in his voice. Realising that the intoxicated male wouldn’t let go, the stranger shifted into a comfortable position. He plants a kiss on the other’s temple, soothing the other into slumber. Ray moved closer into the stranger’s chest, sighing with content.

“Please forgive… me, Nate. I should… been there… for you…” Ray slurred. He had produced a few more incoherent words before a light snore exited his lips. The stranger pushed back a stray hair that fell and smiled warmly at the sleeping male.

“Of course I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's actually very easy to discern the stranger's identity. (I pretty much drop multiple hints) Ray will definitely realise it in the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was rewritten and reworked quite a lot of times because of the difficulty of the meeting. I hope it does not disappoint.

Ray hummed with content as he shifted unconsciously, tightening his grip on the source of warmth, snuggling closer. Ray haven’t had a good night sleep for a very long time, ever since he got his jitters in keeping with expectations. His source of warmth replied with a sound of his own, causing Ray to find it strange. He certainly didn’t remember that pillows produced sounds. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking multiple times allowing his sight to be adapted. He squinted and realised the colour of his pillow was different – almost looking a face.

When his vision finally focused, he widened his eyes in shocked as he scrambled around the bed, evidently kicking the stranger off as well. Ray jerked back for a moment, clutching his head as a stinging pain rang through. The stranger groaned as he rubbed his head, no thanks to Ray’s powerful kick.

“That’s one way to wake someone up.” The stranger cried out in pain. Ray glanced at the other, seeking of traces of memories in his features. The other male puts down his hand exited the room momentarily before returning with some pills. “Take it. It’ll help you with that hangover of yours.” Ray looked suspiciously at the tablet before taking it and swallowing it dry.

“What happened? Why were you sleeping next to me?” Ray asked with his eyes closed, allowing the painkillers effect to kick in.

“You breathed in alcohol into your system. You seemed wanting to get wasted real bad. And why was I here? Let me remind you that you gripped me tight as you slept. Pretty firm grip I must say.” The stranger exclaimed.

“I didn’t say anything funny right?” The stranger stared at Ray for a moment before shaking his head. Ray released a sigh of relief. It’s only the second day, and he’s brought plenty of trouble to the other.

“I’m sorry for the troubles.”

The stranger shook his head and gave Ray a comforting pat on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll feel the same if I’m in your position. Now, it’s almost midday, and we certainly rested enough. It’s time for more work around the farm. Change up and grab some breakfast in the kitchen. I’ll meet you outside.”

Ray gave a nod of agreement and did as he was told. He grabbed some fresh clothes and changed into them. He cleaned himself up and made himself a quick breakfast – nothing fancy but just toast and jam. Ray kind of liked the change of pace, everything feeling sluggish and slow instead of rushing. Ray exited the building and found Ray ploughing the fields, half-naked only wearing a set of long cargo pants. Ray’s face heated up as he caught himself staring at the defined body of the stranger, sweat glistening under the hot sun.

“It’s rude to stare, you know?” Ray turned towards the source of the voice. It was an old lady which Ray immediately presumed to be the stranger’s grandmother. She weakly gestured for Ray to sit beside her and Ray obliged.

“Do you know that you’re the first person Steely brought home?” Ray shook his head. “Well, don’t mind making yourself feel at home here, sweetie. Steely needs some companionship, and you seem to need some too.” She continued, giving Ray a look before turning away.

“Why?” Ray inquired.

“When Steely was placed into my care fifteen years ago, he was an entirely different person than what you see now. He would act like any kid, but I could see through his little act. There weren't any emotions in that child probably because he saw his parents get slaughtered in front of him. Steely was lucky to escape from that maniac.” She accounted, giving an expression of sorrow. “It wasn’t until five years later that he showed signs of recovery.” Ray turned his attention back to the stranger, still ploughing away. For someone he had spent nearly forty-eight hours with, his actions were honest and genuine. It wasn’t faked – like how Ray portrays to the people around him.

Ray was about to asked the old lady a question when he noticed a simple accessory on her finger – something he had it as well. He moved in closer for a better inspection and deduced it to be exactly like the Heywood family ring. The old lady took noticed of Ray’s interest and brought the ring up, admiring it.

“It’s a symbol of our family. The Heywood family. We do have a long history of ancestry albeit a bloody one, although it was peculiar that Steely came without one. I wonder if he must have dropped it somewhere.” She sighed. Ray found his breath quicken from the new found knowledge. If the old lady was a Heywood, wouldn’t it make the Stranger a Heywood too? But seeing how he arrived without one, he could be anybody.

Then, it caught his attention. If Nate left his ring with Ray, he couldn’t have it as well. He decided to take a leap of faith, praying hard that what it came was not what he think it was.

“His name doesn’t happen to be... Nate, right? Mrs Heywood?” Ray harshly swallowed as he asked that question. The old lady giggled and gave Ray a playful smack on his back. “Silly boy, how could you not know his name? You’re his friend!”

She calmed herself down and gave her grandson a look of affection. “Nate was just a short form. His full name would be Nathaniel.

Nathaniel Heywood.”

* * *

 

Ray’s world stood still when the name rang out in his ears. It was too much of a coincidence, and a part of him refuse to acknowledge it. Colours was drained from his face when he accounted the events that occurred in the last forty-eight hours. He had spilled everything to the stranger, who Ray had now confirmed to be Nate. He hadn’t imagined their meeting like this, unprepared. He had completely lost all confidence in seeking forgiveness from the other male.

Ray exhaled, shaking, with each frequency getting shorter and lesser oxygen entering his lungs. He could feel the feeling of panic and anxiety creep up into his throat, suffocating him painfully. He needed to get away from here, feeling that he might just pass out from shock alone if he were to remain any longer.

He fumbled himself up and started walking, ignoring the calls of the old lady. With each step that he took, the pace increased exponentially. A quick pace was becoming a fast walk, and soon it became a sprint. He could hear footsteps chasing after him behind, clearly being Nates. But he wasn’t going to stop for the other any time; it only aided him in speeding up. He didn’t have the face to face Nate.

It proved to be a disaster to venture into the city without disguise, especially when you’re infamously known around the globe. He was easily recognisable by anyone and with rumours of his whereabouts in Scotland, it was evident when Ray found himself swarmed by reporters and journalists.

Ray thought he was used to the blinding lights and magnitude of questions that buried him. His shortness of air grew severe as he entered a state of gasping while still pushing his way through the crowd. His mind blanked out, and his vision blurred from the lack of oxygen. As his strength waned, he could only think of one thing – or rather one person. Nate.

A hand shot through the crowd and pulled him from the hungry paparazzi. He stumbled as he allowed himself get led into an alley. Ray scoffed as he calls how he got robbed on the very first day he stepped onto Scotland’s soil. After many bends and twists, the annoying sounds and camera lights faded into the distance as he found himself in the arms of his saviour.

He glanced at the face of his benefactor and pushed himself away from the green-eyed male. Before he could speak, Ray choked on his anxiety, and his breathlessness turned severe. He slumped forward and would hit the ground if Nate hadn’t caught him.

“Deep breaths. Breathe, Ray. Breathe.” Nate cooed, stroking Ray’s back as he whispered the command into the aggravated male. The comforting voice seemingly vibrated throughout his body, acting as a calming agent. It wasn’t long before he was breathing normally again. The thick air of silence surround the two males, waiting for one of them to slice it apart.

“What happened to you? Why did you just run off like that all of the sudden?” The Stranger asked, grabbing Ray’s shoulders as he looked into the eyes huffing male, worryingly. The other felt hands clutching onto his clothes.

“Nate…”

Nate was frozen at the unexpected announcement of his name, pulling back slightly and swallowed nervously. He moved his interests in Ray’s well-being to his shoes, suddenly feeling curious about it for no whatsoever reason. “When?”

“Your grandmother. I saw the ring.” Ray whispered, breath starting to become more erratic, increasing his grip on Nate’s clothes. Nate held onto Ray, preventing the breathless male from falling onto his knees. He extended a hand to resume stroking Ray’s back, doing his best to calm the other down.

“Let’s get you home. Take my hand.” Ray grabbed onto Nate’s hand and allowed the latter to led him along. He chuckled slightly during the journey, recalling how they were put in the exact position as they were when Nate saved Ray two days prior, both their hands conjoined throughout the trip.

* * *

 

Nate led Ray straight to the bedroom once they’ve reached home. With the lights and all switched off, Nate was glad that his grandmother didn’t have to witness the state Ray’s in. Settling Ray by the bed’s edge, Nate felt obliged to join him and sat next to the depressed male. The air and mood between them were stale, with both boys waiting for one of them to begin first.

“I thought I lost you that day.” Ray started, not changing his position. “With you walking away, eyes without emotions. I figured I lost the only friend I ever made. I failed you, Nate. I should have given you what a friend should have.”

“I took it to myself that day to always give what people they wanted – to never fail them. To never repeat what I did to you. I tried to impress the people around me so I would feel wanted again, to feel… needed.” Ray continued, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. He could feel the walls surrounding his heart slowly crumble, one by one. He couldn’t think properly or straight, by only saying what his emotions were telling him.

“I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t even love. I thought with all those stuff that I’ve bought for the other would be sufficient, but it’s not.” Ray blabbered on, words laced with sadness. “I don’t even know what it like is to love someone. I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”

Nate shot out his hand but stopped just inches from Ray. He could feel the guilt that’s rising inside of him. He doesn’t know how to comfort the male in front him, how to fix him back to the bubbly boy he once was. Was it a mistake for Nate to seek out Ray that day? Did he give him a misunderstanding because of a moment when he emptied all of his emotions?

“Ray…”

“Oh right. I think you should have this back.” Ray took Nate’s Heywood ring out from his pocket and placed it into Nate’s palm. Ray was reluctant to return the ring because it was this that kept him sane. It kept him reminded of that day and his conviction. He wondered, with the ring returned to its rightful owner, what could keep him from breaking down?

Seeing the frown that newly grew on Nate’s face, he thought that probably his presence would only remind the other boy of his bloody past. He recalled the mentioning by his grandmother of the years Nate took to overcome that trauma. What if that memory reclined and caused Nate to revert? It would be his fault, again. The thought of paying his life for everything he has done flashed through his mind.

_Maybe it was a good idea to leave. No one needed Ray, no one likes Ray, no one loves Ray, and his presence was a bane to Nate._

_He needed to disappear. No one would remember him either way._

But maybe for once, Ray thought, if this was to be his last moments – he should be selfish, to keep the last memory he could cherish. He extended his hand and grabbed onto Nate’s clothes. Ray laughed inside his mind how he had been making these little gestures for quite some time now.

“Would you stay with me? Just for tonight?” Ray asked.

Nate gave no replies but returned with a slow nod. Ray put on a genuine small, maybe his first and sighed with content. Even with small amounts of time left, he would do his best to remember this moment.

Even that’s the last thing he would do - to keep Nate close to him, almost painfully.


End file.
